"You're Not Broken." TRUE.

My favorite word is "Contradiction." I chose it. 
My favorite number is "34." It chose me.

It's finally come to my consciousness that when I was thinking of favorite words, I'd come up with "CONTRADICTION," because oddly enough, that word has been a reflection of my life.  I use that word anywhere I can; when I manufacture a fragrance for any gender, it will be called "CONTRADICTION." "GAY" & "MORMON"? Those are two very contradictory things that "identify" me... But rather than resenting the polar magnitude of both by trying to be "perfect", why not fuse the truth of both to a place of peace. Stay tuned. 

I see the number 34 EVERYWHERE. I see 34 on the clock, on every sports jersey that I look at, the road I drive every day... and my BIRTHDAY is 4/13. 3+4 = 7. I'm 34 years old right now.  In the years leading up to this year of 2017 (which 17 + 17 = 34), I have written down what my SOUL felt (as far as I'm concerned) would manifest my 34th year.  I was either going to die OR win a Tony and and OSCAR in the same year. But I didn't do either.  HOWEVER, I almost died this year and I've definitely experienced a re-birth. Stay tuned.

I CANNOT deny that which is TRUE. In fact, my SOUL knows better than my consciousness what is TRUE and what is FALSE.  Maybe that's why I've been so frustrated?! Have you ever been flat out FRUSTRATED with no clear reason why? You're doing everything you're supposed to...?!  So WHAT GIVES?  Well, deep down we're afraid to face the TRUTH because its real. Okay okay...so like:

What is "TRUTH"?
(a loaded question that I'm certainly not qualified to answer...but what the hell?). I'm not going to claim that I know the truth FOR YOU in your world. Who am I to do such a thing? I can only share with you what I've discovered on my journey to "TRUTH." Might I add here, that is outrageous and presumption for anyone to claim they've LANDED on TRUTH; if we LANDED there, we'd be GOD... BUT we all HAVE truth in us.  It just all varies: If you never look for hidden treasure, you're NOT going to find it.

We ALL need oxygen to breathe. TRUE.
God hates gays. FALSE.
Mormons are correct. TRUE.
Mormons are incorrect. TRUE.
God loves gays. TRUE
God loves lust. FALSE.
Julie Andrews was the angel that sang when the world was created. TRUE (probably).
Goldie Hawn will jump at the chance to act with me in a movie about my life once the screenplay is written, because we were friends in a different life. TRUE. 😂 For all of us there is scientific truth (like we're gonna die without water)... BUT who is ready and willing to accept responsibility for the truth that we cannot prove?  Spiderman was 😂 - the idea that: "With great gifts comes great responsibility,"  "Where much is given, much is required."

Look, FAITH is underestimated. If you are a person who doesn't believe in life after death, or GOD/CREATOR because it can't be proven, think again.  Even an atheist has faith.  The sun will rise tomorrow.  I can't prove it in this moment but I JUST KNOW that the sun will rise tomorrow because its consistent.  SO is the existence of GOD.  No other fake legend or myth has withstood the test of time like the consistency of a CREATOR. In fact, the very idea that a mortal man would just IMAGINE it all up is inconceivable. Go study Gematria. A guy claims on his Gematria blog, that he doesn't believe in God; He knows it because he can prove it through MATHEMATICS.  Numbers are there to explain the unexplainable.  I'm no expert on Gematria, but what little I know supports what I know. Did you know that the mathematic design of a flower 🌼 mathematically reduces to 3.14, most infinite number? Hmmm, accident? You decide. God created the world in 6 days, and rested on the 7th.  In correlation with the Bible and numerology, 7 is the perfect number.  The Savior of the World, even Jesus Christ, was crucified at age 33 - a death. And then Jesus was resurrected at 34 - a re-birth. The year that reduces to equal the "perfect number," 7. What does this all mean for ME? I'm NOT making a claim that I have anything in common with Jesus...but it sends a message to me.  Consider the parallels around you. If you want to learn, pay attention. Stay tuned.

YOU ONLY KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW.  If you continue to read my blog, just remember that I ONLY KNOW WHAT I KNOW.  I don't know everything. I am a natural man who's perfection lies in being totally flawed and imperfect. If you get angry about something I said, chill out!  I'll discuss my claims that I "KNOW" because I'm passionate about what I do know.  I DON'T know what its like to graduate with a masters degree in physics...maybe you do.  But I've spent YEARS praying, crying, screaming, singing, pondering, writing, and dancing to understand the existing contradiction of being attracted to men and loving myself, and the source of energy that created me...that source is what I call "GOD." I humbly proclaim that before you form a passionate negative or angry emotional response to my perspective, chill out cause...I might know a little bit more about this than you, and that's ok.  My intention here is GOOD. Stay tuned.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS/Mormon) teaches truth.  So does Buddhism. Anything that proclaims peace and love is good and came from Creator. GOD is love. Does love exist between two gay people? I hope so. Does love exist between heterosexual people? I hope so.  If LOVE is present in any situation/relationship, who can argue that GOD is not present also?  I have SO much to say and I hope you. Stay tuned.

In closing, I must share a moment that changed my life.  In my 22nd year, the anxieties I felt about my contradicting attraction for both men and women, my chosen profession as an actor, AND trying to reconcile these colorful calamities with religion, it was my sister, Chelsea Ayn Nelson, who deliveded a message for me that day.  And I want you all to apply it to yourself.

It was a summer afternoon in the backyard of our house in Ogden, Utah. I hadn't discussed with family much at that point about my inner struggle.  Chelsea didn't know too much about what I'd been going though. The grass was green and the afternoon sun was warmly setting on the western horizon.  I was babbling on about something noisy, when Chelsea (who was facing East) began to have an experience.  She stopped me. And I asked what was wrong.  She was looking all around me - her eyes were shifting around as if she was seeing something I could not.  And she said, "Jeff, I see a concourse of angels surrounding you." Silence. I was stunned. Then she continued, "Did you know that you're not broken? There is nothing wrong with you."  That message could not have been more inspired and effective.  Chelsea didn't even know what she was saying would be so important for me to hear. Thats why it was inspired. That experience was a blessing beyond my expectation...for that message has talked me out of dark moments in my life, where I might have otherwise committed suicide. Stay tuned.

That concourse of angels that Chelsea saw, were not STRICTLY for me. That message is for ALL of YOU.  NONE of this is really about "ME." And that is why I must share my story and that is why I hope you "Stay tuned." Whether you are GTI yourself (GOING 👏 THROUGH 👏 IT 👏 ) or simply trying to understand your loved ones, THAT message is for YOU. Stay tuned.